 From the beginning of time, human beings have counted on one another for survival. Feeling supported, valued and connected helps us thrive, which makes reaching out to others an important act of self-care. Building a quality connection is key here, which happens in a number of ways, including when we exchange concrete help, offer emotional support, provide validation, give advice, and/or present perspective for one another. Research points to a number of benefits to creating and nurturing these types of interactions, such as:
All of this is encouraging news because caring involvement with others may be one of the easiest self-care strategies to access. It's inexpensive, it requires no special equipment or regimen, and we can engage in it in many ways.  Self-Care September Day 28: Reach Out to Someone You Love Today, you're encouraged to call, text, or send snail mail to someone in your life, near or far. (You can even send a card or letter to someone living in your house with you!) You can reach out just to say hi, or tell them that you're thinking of them. You can thank them for making a positive difference in your life, wish them a happy day, send them luck for something happening in their life, tell them you love them, or let them know why they matter to you. If you're not one for so many words, that's okay, too - you can simply share a funny meme, or take and send a picture of something that reminds you of them. The point is just to connect. You'll both be better for it. I love you and will see you soon! xo, Coach Alex 
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 This year has been kind of wild, wouldn't you say? A global pandemic, growing societal unrest, severe destruction due to climate change, a dangerous lack of leadership around all of it...it's been an extra kind of difficult, and if you've had moments (days...weeks...) of feeling like you are swimming in uncharted territory, please know you are not alone. I'm here to remind you you are doing a much better job than you might think and today's self-care tip is to give yourself credit for it. The truth of the matter is that life is a constant series of ebbing and flowing. It's just not possible to always be at the top of your game even during the smoothest of years. There will be moments (or entire days, or whole weeks, or even stretches of months) when you feel like you are making one mistake after another in everything you do. But here's the thing - that feeling happens to everyone at one time or another, and it's a liar. As Miles Davis once said, "Do not fear mistakes. There are none." We are all doing the best we can with what we've got, and that includes you. Giving yourself a hard time doesn't increase your inclination to do better, it just makes you feel crappy. Some days, you might feel like you're shining in one department of your life at the expense of another. When this happens, don't use the sinking areas as measure of success, use the shining ones.
Here's another thing - you will always experience what you choose to believe, so it's necessary to acknowledge all the things you are doing right, even when - especially when! - it feels easier to identify where you're falling short. When you discount your efforts or belittle your accomplishments, you chip away at your self-confidence and erode your sense of trust in yourself. Not only that, but you squander the positive momentum self-recognition affords you, which can them make it harder to propel yourself forward in any arena. And don't confuse giving yourself credit with complacency - recognizing what we're doing right doesn't mean we're turning a blind eye to where there is room for improvement. It just means we're able to take responsibility for our own happiness and success. We're willing to plant our own garden instead of waiting for someone else to bring us flowers. From minor irritations to major hardships, remind yourself of all the things you've survived because you're brave, because you're scrappy, because you're resourceful, because you're smart, because you're resilient, because you're fierce, because you're tough, because you're amazing, because you're a fighter, because you're determined, because you're capable, because you're strong, because you're persistent, because you don't give up and you don't give in. You are doing such a good job.  Self-Care September Day 27: Give Yourself Credit Take a few moments today to reflect on the multitude of ways you've risen to an occasion throughout your life. Think of how many problems you've solved, how many obstacles you've overcome, how many people you've helped along the way. Your past has undoubtedly thrown you some curveballs, and you're still standing. Celebrate that! Be proud of yourself - you've gotten this far and you will continue to thrive as long as you keep believing you can. I love you and will see you soon! xo, Coach Alex   Whether or not you've ever stood in front of your jam-packed closet while woefully thinking, "But there's nothing to actually wear!", today's self-care tip is for you. Our clothes closets are spaces we tend to use every single day, which is why getting and keeping them organized is such an important step to approaching our days with confidence and ease. A jumbled closet sets a jumbled tone to our life. Think about how amazing it would be to open your closet door in the morning and know for an absolute fact that anything you grab from it:
This is the goal of today's tip. Let's acknowledge right off the bat that not everything will always check each box. For example, your work uniform may not jive with your sense of fashion, but it does serve a specific function so it stays. And you may not have the room or the need to tuck your winter clothes away elsewhere during the summer months, so there may be flannel shirts hanging there during 100 degree heat waves. That's okay. We work with what we have and make the best of it all. An organize closet will save you time and energy. No more trying to remember if this is the top you spend all day tugging back into place, or if these are pants with the pen marks up the left side, or if this is sweater with the moth holes in the sleeve, or if this is the dress that always reveals your bra straps. No more trying multiple things on each morning, weighing the pros and cons of the button up that bulges at the bust because it matches the least-wrinkled slacks, or searching through piles of shorts for that one pair you love, Whether you share a closet with someone else or have it all to yourself, there are lots of ways to organize it: by season (especially if everything stays in the space all year long,) by color (so you don't have to go through the whole thing looking for "that one blue shirt,") by sleeve length, by occasion...you get to determine which makes the most sense for you. If you're not sure, I suggest starting by season and then using color. Helpful closet tips:
 Self-Care September Day 26: Organize Your Closet I promise your life will get easier once you do. If you want help, hire an organizer who does virtual sessions. Like me. :) I love you and will see you soon! xo, Coach Alex   The act of giving is of obvious service to the receiver, but did you know there are proven benefits for the giver as well? While donating is largely considered a selfless act, research has shown that altruistic offerings activate the areas of the brain associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust, which means we experience higher levels of joy, stronger self-esteem, and personal satisfaction when we help other people. It's not just about feeling good, though. Studies have also shown that giving to others has health benefits like lower blood pressure, less depression, lower stress levels and can even promote a longer life. That's right - taking care of others can totally count as an act of self-care! There are lots of helpful ways to give:
*Donating blood comes with its own set of additional perks, like literally saving lives. Additionally, giving blood can reveal potential health concerns, reduce harmful iron stores, may lower your risk of having a heart attack or developing cancer, and can help your liver stay healthy. Learn more about becoming an organ donor HERE.  Self-Care September Day 25: Donate Time, Money, Food, Clothes, Stuff or Blood You should choose causes that are near and dear to your heart, for sure. If, however, you are open to ideas, here are some of my favorite places to give my money and time:
And here's where I donate my gently-used clothes and household items so they can get a well-deserved second lease on life: I love you and will see you soon! xo, Coach Alex   When I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder in 2019, I knew there was more I could do to hasten my healing beyond taking a daily prescription pill. I started scouring the internet and the library for resources regarding all the ways I could improve what I put in, on, and used around my body in an effort to support my health. One of those ways was to change the cleaning products we used. The Reasoning Have you seen the documentary "Stink" on Netflix? It's eye-opening (and a bit jarring) to realize the way toxic chemicals in our everyday cleaning products can cause (and are causing! and continue to cause!) major health problems. Environmental experts estimate the average household contains about 62 toxic chemicals, from the phthalates in synthetic fragrances to the noxious fumes in oven cleaners. Of course, we all want our homes to be sanitized and smell good, but here's the catch - most air fresheners and store-bought cleaning products are actually doing you a huge disservice when you use them in your home. In fact, a study by the University of California at Berkeley found that when used excessively or in a small, unventilated area, these products release toxic levels of pollutants. Let me say that again - people are cleaning their homes with toxic levels of pollutants. Ingredients in common household products have been linked to asthma, cancer, reproductive disorders, hormone disruption and neurotoxicity. I absolutely encourage you to do your own research, but please make it a point to look into what you are cleaning with. You can check this website to get a sense of how toxic standard household cleaners are. We decided to engage in a gigantic "ditch and switch" from the toxic household cleaners we'd been using in our home to natural alternatives that I could make myself. I'd already been using doTerra essential oils since 2009 for the aromatic experience, but in 2019, I really dug into the ways I could combine them with natural cleaning agents like vinegar and castille soap to take full advantage of all their beneficial properties. Even when the pandemic hit in 2020, we stuck to our all-natural cleaners because we'd already witnessed the way they effectively and consistently got the job done, and we stayed healthy.  The Major Players
 The RecipesAll-Purpose 16oz glass spray bottle
Bathroom Counters/Surfaces 16oz glass spray bottle
Bathroom Tub/Tile Paste small glass container with snap-tight lid
(Note: to clean our toilet bowls, I sprinkle Bon Ami in the bowl, then spray the Bathroom Surface cleaner on it, too. I let it sit for about 10 minutes before scrubbing the bowl with a brush and flushing.) Carpet Refresh glass jar with small holes punched through lid
Furniture Polish 10oz glass bottle
Glass Cleaner 16oz glass spray bottle
Granite Countertops 16oz glass spray bottle
 This is what works for our home. Of course, your mileage may vary, and as I mentioned earlier, I encourage you to do your own research. There are lots of options out there! Don't feel overwhelmed if your current cleaners get a toxic score on the Environmental Working Group's website or like you're doomed if you don't make a zillion changes all at once. If you do want to do your own "ditch and switch," just start replacing your current cleaners as they run out with natural, safer solutions. Let me know if you have questions in the comments below. :) I love you and I'll see you soon! xo, Coach Alex P.S. Looking for more "ditch and switch" ideas? I invite you to check out my blog post 12 Changes We've Made to be a Healthier Home.   Like many of our self-care tips, this one has both physical and mental benefits. Cleaning is good for your mental health. This study showed how people who live in cluttered homes have higher levels of cortisol in their systems, indicating a direct link between your space and your stress. Visual clutter leads to mental clutter, even if you try to convince yourself this is just the way you are wired, and you've learned to live with it. Fortunately, this can be reverse engineered, meaning the more piles you get rid of, the calmer you will feel. Cleaning is good for your physical health, too. A study from Indiana University found that people with clean houses are healthier than people with messy houses. Participants who kept their homes clean were healthier and more active than those who didn’t. In fact, house cleanliness was even more of a predictor for physical health than neighborhood walkability. A clean home leaves fewer places for germs and bacteria to hide. It's true that some germs can be beneficial for strengthening our immune systems (this is why hand sanitizers should be used very, very sparingly,) but you'll want to pay regular attention to cleaning hot spots where too many germs put you and/or your family at risk for serious illness. Germ hot-spots include:
 Self-Care September Day 24: Deep Clean Something Pick one (or two or all) of the places listed above and spend some time today cleaning it completely and thoroughly. Repeat regularly for maximum health benefits. Just writing this article has me itching to go give my house a nice, solid cleaning, so I'm off to do just that. (Interested in making your own safe, natural cleaning products? Check out this blog post where I share the recipes I use!) I love you and will see you soon! xo, Coach Alex  There is a quote attributed to Izak Dinesen that goes, "The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea." It is this sentiment that sparked today's self care suggestion, which invites you to take whichever piece you have available to you and use it in the spirit of taking care of yourself. Do you live near the sea? Excellent! Sea air is charged with negative ions, which increases our happy hormone, serotonin. Sea water is rich in vital elements and anti-inflammatory minerals like zinc, iron, potassium and magnesium, which regulate our nervous system and help heal and protect our skin barrier. Stress depletes those mineral levels and we typically don’t get enough from our diet alone but we do absorb more by the seaside, whether we're breathing in sea air, eating fresh seafood or bathing in the sea. Salt also has physical benefits, from oxygenating our blood to regulating blood sugar levels, boosting our immune systems to improving our circulation.  Do you feel like you could just cry right now? Terrific! There are three types of tears the body produces: reflex, which clear your eye of things like dust or smoke, continuous, which are 98% water and act as a protective lubricant, and emotional, which release stress hormones and other toxins from the body. Emotional crying is a self-soothing technique that activates your parasympathetic nervous system, allowing your body to rest and digest. Crying for a long time releases endorphins, feel-good chemicals that help ease both emotional and physical pain, and one study has even found that sobbing can improve your mood. And while crying helps us through the grieving process, it's not just for sad emotions. Some people (like me!) cry when they experience a rage of emotion, like happiness, fear, or stress. Research indicates that this kind of crying is a way to restore emotional equilibrium, which is a balance your body is always aiming to achieve.  Neither of those apply to you? Perfect! Creating an opportunity to break a sweat, either from exercise, hot weather, or a sauna experience, is another way to detoxify and heal your body. Sweat glands help our skin filter toxins out of the body, which in turn boosts our immune system. Sweating also increases circulation throughout our organs, muscles, and tissue, and eliminates salt from the body which prevents kidney stones from forming. Additionally, sweating increases our thirst (which causes us to drink more water and we already know all about the benefits of drinking water!), and opens the pores on our skin to allow for a protective barrier against pathogens to form (this means less bacteria on your skin!)  Self-Care September Day 23: Let Salt Water Heal You Take your pick - sweat, tears, or the sea - and let yourself do a little healing today. I love you and I'll see you soon! xo, Coach Alex   Meditation is a habitual process of training your brain to focus and redirect thoughts, a way to connect with your Inner Knowing/Source Energy/God/the Universe, a method to build concentration and increase self-awareness, and today's self-care tip. It may sound super woo-woo at first but the health benefits are steeped in scientific fact, making it a practice that both cynics and mystics alike can confidently enjoy. While the list of benefits is long, here are my top five favorites: 1. Meditation Reduces Stress There are lots of studies out there (like this one and this one and this one and this one) that show how the practice of meditation decreases the harmful effects of the stress hormone cortisol, while improving symptoms of stress-related conditions like PTSD, irritable bowel syndrome and fibromyalgia. 2. Meditation Mitigates Anxiety Studies also indicate that meditation helps you reduce anxiety, as well as symptoms of anxiety disorders, such as phobias, social anxiety, paranoid thoughts, obsessive-compulsive behaviors and panic attacks. 3. Mediation Supports Emotional Health Does it show measurable changes in brain activity in areas related to positive thinking and optimism? Yes. Does it create decreased signs of depression in adults? Yes. Does it reduce depression by decreasing inflammatory chemicals called cytokines, which are released in response to stress and can affect your mood? Yes. 4. Meditation Increases Your Ability to be Compassionate and Kind There are many forms of meditation, and some, like loving-kindness meditation, have been shown to increase positivity, empathy and compassionate behavior toward others. And as with any kind of skill, the more you do it, the better you get at it. Additionally, research shows that the positive feelings people develop through loving-kindness meditation can improve social anxiety, reduce marriage conflict and help anger management. 5. Meditation Improves Your Sleep and Helps You Handle Pain Okay, that's really two benefits but I couldn't decide which to round out my list with as they are both worthy of mention. We've already talked about how important getting enough sleep is, and studies show meditation can be extremely useful for falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer, which ultimately makes you healthier and happier. Equally as important to your livelihood is how much physical pain you experience on a regular basis. Meditation has been shown to diminish the perception of pain in the brain, which could help treat chronic pain when used as a supplement to medical care and/or physical therapy.  Self-Care September Day 22: Meditate There are many different forms of meditation, most of which don’t require specialized equipment or space, and you can choose the type that is most aligned with what you want to get out of it. Six popular types of meditation practice are:
You can read more about each type here and decide which one calls to you today or you can simply find a quiet place to sit with your eyes closed for a few minutes with your hands in your lap - palms down to ground, palms up to receive - and breathe (in through your nose, out through your mouth.) Let your thoughts come and go. Let it be easy. If a guided meditation sounds like it would be helpful, you can find a bunch of them on YouTube or any number of meditation apps - Insight Timer is my personal favorite. I love you and I'll see you soon! xo, Coach Alex   Saying what we mean and asking for what we want are, at the same time, very important habits to cultivate and skills that are rarely taught in schools, homes, or workplaces. But the mind-readers among us are few and far between so it absolutely behooves us to stretch ourselves in these specific ways. WHY? You'll improve your relationships: Poor communication often causes unnecessary distress, can diminish credibility, and cause a lack of trust in both personal and professional relationships. People prefer honesty, even if you’re not telling them what they want to hear. Remind yourself there’s nothing you can’t say and no one you can’t say it to. You'll improve your chances of being understood: All of us deep down, want to be truly understood by other people. Yet without saying exactly what you mean, you risk being perpetually misinterpreted. How many times have you looked at someone you know well and thought, “if you really knew me, you wouldn’t have said/done that!”? But think about it - how are they expected to know if you never say out loud what’s actually going on in your head? By getting your real thoughts out in the open, you may not always be as nice, but you’ll be much more real - and that’s surprisingly appreciated by others and rewarding for yourself. You'll feel proud of yourself: Speaking out, particularly on important subjects, can feel like a weight literally being lifted off you. Being assertive is good for you; it increases your self-confidence and perpetuates a feeling of taking control of your own life. You'll avoid disappointment: Let's say you can't stand chocolate-covered cherries and your partner buys you some as a gift. If you act excited about them just to avoid hurting your partner's feelings, and they continue to buy you chocolate-covered cherries year after year, you've sort of made your own bed of chocolate-cherry disappointment, you know? You'll stop resenting the people around you: There is a tendency in "polite society" to expect those around us to guess what our needs are instead of spelling them out, then silently seething when they don't or can't. By speaking up, you’re giving those closest to you a chance to meet your needs rather than becoming victims of your unexpressed resentments. You'll get what you want: This is the best reason of all. Most of us feel it's too demanding to articulate what we truly desire, so we might express half requests instead in the hope that others will figure out that they are expected to fill in the gaps. But if you are clear about what you want (and what you don't want,) the chances of your needs being met skyrocket, and you’ll end up a happier and more fulfilled person. HOW? Take the time to know yourself. Make a list of your priorities and values. Only by understanding what they are can you know when to speak up if one of them is threatened. Choose your words carefully, avoiding abstract language. Don't say it's "not a problem" if it's a problem. Don't tell your child to spend a "reasonable" amount of money or time on something - their definition could be drastically different than yours. Value being honest over being nice. Nice doesn’t win you friends or promotions or respect - integrity does. Nice sets you up to be a doormat and an afterthought. (Important to note: nice and kind are not the same things! You can ask for what you want and say what you mean and still not be an jerkface while doing it.) Take time to consider before committing. Our immediate instinct is to agree to a request, but automatically saying "yes" can lead to bitterness, resentment and regrets. Get in the habit of saying you need some time to think about it, check your schedule, first. Practice, because the more you do it, the easier it becomes. We often lack the verbal framework for speaking our minds, so our words come out clumsily and can be hurtful. The good news is that the more practice to you get in speaking out, the easier it will be to frame your words thoughtfully and tactfully.  Self-Care September Day 21: Say What You Mean and Ask for What You Want You've got what it takes. I know you do. I love you and I'll see you soon! xo, Coach Alex   Whether we realize it or not, what we spend money on says a lot about our priorities (and our privilege, but that's a different conversation.) We vote with our dollars every single day. And as we've been discovering all month long, the self-care habits and actions you choose to engage in have a profound effect on your overall levels of happiness, health, and well-being. As we've also seen, self-care doesn't have to cost a thing, but today, we're going to let it. Today, the self-care task is reinforce your importance to yourself by choosing a way to invest in you. Investing in yourself may feel frivolous, risky, or even selfish, but hear me when I tell you it is the surest way to improve your quality of life. After all, if you don't prioritize yourself, who else is supposed to? The current situation you are in has a lot to do with your past actions, habits and decisions. How consistently have you placed yourself at the top of your priority list? By making even small changes and investing in yourself in positive ways, you will ultimately be creating a brighter future for yourself in body, mind, and spirit. And that's what soul fitness is all about!  Self-care September Day 20: Invest in Yourself Send a message to yourself that you are worth your time and money by making a financial commitment to something that will make you happier, smarter and/or healthier. There is a gigantic range you can work with here; any size you choose is the perfect size for you. The idea is just to toss some coin in your own direction, because you are so worth it. Again, anything you decide to do is perfect, but if you are interested in suggestions, I have a few listed below. You can start small:
Or you can go big:
Or you can land somewhere in between:
Happy indulging! I love you and will see you soon! xo, Coach Alex  |
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